I’m Tired.

I’m tired.

It’s late. I’m lying in bed with my wife, who has already fallen asleep; she has an early day tomorrow. I’ll wake with her in the morning, but now I’m lying by her side, awake. And I’m tired.

I’m tired of being tired. I’m exhausted, but my mind is racing. I can’t get to sleep because I asked myself a simple question earlier today:

What have you done for Christ?

And my response was stifling silence, and it shook me.

I’ve been a quiet guy my whole life, only talking when asked a question and otherwise keeping to myself. I’ve also been a Christian my whole life, and tried to walk the best Christian walk I could. I always tried to do lightshining in my quiet way of trying to be an example to others. I tried to be a good person and to do good to others. I showed my faith through my obedience. I thought that was enough.

¹⁸And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. ¹⁹Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: ²⁰Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:18-20 KJV

I had a minister give a message not too long ago, where he asked, “What are we doing for the Great Commission?” and then read these verses at the end of Matthew. Jesus charges us before he ascends back to heaven with a task: to spread the Gospel. So my minister asks what is this church and what are you as an indiviual doing for the spreading of the Gospel. And I didn’t think too much about it then, but I had no answer. All I knew was I was a quiet guy, and that spreading His Word would be a daunting task to someone who’d rather not speak. And yet, after that message, I kept being pushed by this still, small voice to do something.

I resisted this notion at first. But that in itself was tiring and the small voice grew, not in volume, but in intensity. I finally realized that silence was not going to cut it for my God. I needed to be zealous, and bold for my God and my Savior. I finally ramped up the courage and did special music for my church, just a few weeks ago. I just sang along to a recording of a song. It was nothing, but I was petrified the whole time. But I’ll admit, it felt so good to share something, and to spend a moment to praise and worship.

It sparked a flame within me. And I sang a song for my church again. And I plan to, again and again. But along with that, I am fervent now in the things I want to say.

I’ve made a realization that I thought I knew, but I think only now am I beginning to comprehend.

Jesus Christ was God who became flesh, and as an innocent man, was killed for me and mankind for the chance of redemption and eternal life.

I realize just how innocent Jesus was, and I am outraged at an innocent man’s death. Quickly though, I become embarrassed at the realization that he died for me, a guilty man, a quiet guy masquerading as a good man when in reality I am just another sinner, like the rest of us.

And then I am humbled to think that that was His plan all along, and that He did it purely out of the love He has for His creation.

 ¹³Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

And now this realization makes me tired tonight. I’m tired of doing nothing. Of saying nothing. I want to tell His story. I need to tell the Good News.

I’m tired of not speaking up. And now, I will.

Our greatest growth often comes when we put ourselves in places of discomfort. So it is time for this quiet guy to speak.

As I lay in bed tonight, I pray that the articles I’m about to write, the prose and poetry I share, are inspired by God, and that you the reader can also be inspired or motivated beyond the words on this monitor.

These are the thoughts of a quiet guy.

God bless.